Go With The Flow and Cognitive Flexibility

Picture a warm June day, you’re meeting a friend at a beloved restaurant (really, the only restaurant you want to visit lately). You already know what you’re going to order, since it’s the same thing you’ve ordered the last 5 times you’ve gone. Outfit is perfect, the weather is gorgeous, you’re just about to leave the house, keys in hand, and- what’s that?

It’s your elbow colliding with a lukewarm glass of water, spilling all over your laptop. Sigh.

At this point, your brain just says, “Well, I guess the whole day’s ruined now”. That is a cognitive flexibility crisis.

😵 What Is Cognitive Flexibility?

Cognitive flexibility is your brain’s ability to shift gears, adapt to change, and think about things in a new way. It's like mental yoga. If your brain can’t bend, things break. And sometimes that break looks like crying in a Target parking lot.

According to a review on cognitive flexibility from the Frontiers in Neuroscience Journal, by Hohl and Dolcos, cognitive flexibility has been associated with overall academic success, resilience against stress, improved quality of life, and increased mindfulness.
🔗 Measuring cognitive flexibility: A brief review of neuropsychological, self-report, and neuroscientific approaches - PMC

🚩 Signs You (or Your Kid) Might Be Struggling with Cognitive Flexibility

• You meltdown when plans change suddenly (even “pizza instead of tacos” feels personal).

• You or your child repeats the same solution, even when it’s clearly not working.

• You get stuck in “all or nothing” thinking. (If I can’t clean the whole house, I won’t clean anything.)

Sound familiar? Same.

🛠 Strategies That Help (Yes, Even When You’re Just Over It)

1. Use “What If” Scenarios
   Practice thinking of different outcomes.

   “What if the teacher assigns a surprise project?”
   “What if we forget the lunchbox?”
   Make it a game! Kids especially love making up wild hypotheticals (zombie apocalypse optional).

2. Reframe the Moment
   Instead of “This ruined everything,” try “This changed the plan. What can I do next?”
   That tiny shift can literally rewire the brain.

   Bonus: try using self-affirmations to boost confidence and re-shape your brain!
   🔗 Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation - PMC

3. Teach Flexible Thinking Through Play
   Games like Uno, charades, or Would You Rather? help practice shifting strategies or perspectives.

4. Model Flexibility
   Let your kids hear you say:

   “I was really hoping for quiet time, but I guess we’re having a dance party instead. Let’s roll with it.”

Flexibility isn’t about loving chaos; it’s about surviving it creatively.

📚 Want to Learn More?

• Harvard’s Executive Function Research

• Flexible Emotion Regulation: How Situational Demands and Individual Differences Influence the Effectiveness of Regulatory Strategies - PMC

• Improving Cognitive Flexibility Through Coaching

💬 Final Thought

If your brain isn’t “go with the flow,” that’s okay. With support and practice, flexibility is something you can build, like a muscle, or a tolerance for crumbs in the bottom of your purse.